We’ve been playing The Old Republic pretty much exclusively since it dropped last month.  There are a slew of reviews and other tidbits about it around the web and–as I’ve only made it to 25 with one of my 4 characters–I am ill-fit for writing a substantial review on such an incredible and “massive” game.  I will take a moment, however, to give you my thoughts on what it is I think that makes SWTOR a Rancor in the den of Tauntauns that are its competition…

The story!

It’s no secret that SWTOR is driven by deeply written, fully voiced storylines for each of its 8 classes; and, in my experience so far, each of these stories is exceptional.  Quality writing, superb acting, and populated by characters with multiple layers–even the Fetch Quests leave you questioning the morals of what you’re doing and weighing them against your personal outcome as well as that of those NPCs involved.  One such story–and the way in which we Nolan handled it–was the inspiration of tonight’s strip.

It went pretty much like the strip says.  Nolan and I–or, rather, our Sith Warrior and Inquisitor, respectively–were tasked with secretly murdering the wife of a Sith Lord whom had discovered she was trading Imperial secrets to a Republic Agent.  When we got her out to the backwater which was to be her final resting place, she revealed that she had been sleeping with the supposed Agent, but that he was, in fact, nothing of the sort and the Sith Lord was just jealous.  Now, for me, this presented a dilemma.  Did I give in to my anger and hatred, slaying her on the spot even after presented the facts; following the orders of a Lord above my station…or did I show compassion and allow the woman to escape, going back to confront or lie to the scorned husband who had tricked us.  Honor and duty versus a personal opinion of right and wrong.  Like I said, a dilemma.

Nolan, on the other hand, was not burdened by such internal conflicts and wasted no time punching that 3 key.  He won the Social Roll and his Warrior soundlessly pulled and ignited his weapon and blazed a golden fan of death across the woman’s chest.  Before her body had fallen, my chat log blipped with a single line…

[Nolan]: Whore.

Now, I made a promise earlier to give a short review of VectorCell’s shameful entry into the world of Digital Gaming…Amy.

An uncounted collection of months ago (I want to say something like 5) I was skimming through my newest game magazine and ran across an in-depth article about a survival horror game that looked to be a fresh spin on the “escape the zombie apocalypse” formula.  Players would be tasked with leading a special little girl–if you guessed her name would be Amy, you’re…well…not braindead–through a dark and dangerous world filled with walking horrors that want nothing more than to end your existence.  There were plenty of details that stoked my interest; from the fact that you would be leading a little girl through a horrific situation in particular.  I was, for all intents and purposes, hooked.

And it bit me in the ass…specifically, that part of my ass upon which my wallet rests.  That is to say, the back pocket of my jeans.

Anyway, the day came and I immediately purchased the requisite 800 MS points and downloaded this game I’d been anticipating!  The load finished and I gripped my controller with the fervor of a man on the threshold of a new adventure…and was greeted with nothing less than utter disappointment.  Right from the start, the game assaulted me with muddy visuals, ancient textures, and animation that looked more like the final project of a Computer Animation student.  The acting was so bad that I’d have laughed, had I not felt the cold knot of discouragement gathering in the pit of my stomach.

Determined to enjoy the game–it was, afterall, a downloadable game–I did my best to ignore the substandard graphics and dove head-first into the game itself.  The opening cutscene ends and you take control of the lead protagonist, which is the part of  any game that should be the point in which all your excitement and waiting is rewarded with gameplay that–at least–matches your expectations, if not surpasses them.  Instead, I was greeted with a camera that I’m more than a little certain was designed as an uncredited monster of the gameworld, a control scheme that seemed determined to confuse rather than aid the player, and a combat system that started off okay but quickly faded into a repetitive mess before I made it to my first puzzle.

The puzzle in question is the hacking of a DNA-locked door; which is to be done by gathering DNA samples with a high-tech device that is more-likely to be seen in a Bond film rather than a dilapidated train station.  And, lest I forget, this incredible piece of espionage technology is given to you by…wait for it…a foul-mouthed cabbie with an accent so bad you’d think he was trying his best to do a satirical impression of a Jersey Shore cast member.  By this point I was already frustrated and very quickly losing my will to plod on.

But the killer came when I was thrust into a situation that had me running through a maze of fences in a sort of prison for the creatures while listening to Cabbie McSuperspy scream for his life.  Now, as I mentioned, the camera is less-than-helpful and I quickly found myself surrounded by a horde of zombie-things who ushered me to a Game Over screen.  Ten seconds later, I am loading a checkpoint that I apparently hit twenty-fucking-minutes ago!

Yup…fuck you, Amy.